New York Aquarium

Today is Columbus Day, Jake doesn't have school. My friend Julie and I made plans to take the boys to New York Aquarium. She has 2 boys, age 5 and 3, and Jake is 4, so together we have 3, 4 and 5.

It is a very nice day, so warm that kids are running around in tan tops. I wouldn’t dare let Jake wear anything less than a long sleev shirt, because he gets sick so easily. As a matter fact, I think he is coming down with a cold as we speak.

Anyways, I feel like I have “grown” a lot in the past 3 years. I remember there were times when I couldn’t even take Jake to the park. I literally had melt downs seeing other kids running and laughing in the playground. It always took so much effort to motivate myself to take Jake to the park, because the grief I felt inside was just unbearable. It wasn’t just the playground; there was the mall, IKEA, restaurants, friend’s children, TV, kids are everywhere if you haven’t noticed. I just wanted to hide from everyone and live in my own Jake’s world.

But today there were lots and lots of children running around in the Aquarium, and there were my friend’s two boys. They were just having a ball seeing all kinds of fish. Well, I guess there will always be something in my heart that aches for Jake, but for the most part, I was content that Jake was pointing to the fish, sharks, and stingrays in the tanks. He kept on bothering the 5 year old by pulling on his hair, and shirt, and just giggling like crazy.

I don’t think I am there yet, but I think I am closer to finding acceptance and peace. Now, I just need to go on a vacation!